... on The Tao of Me.
I'm moving my new articles over to my new blog:
The Edge of Vanilla
I'm also taking some of my favorite posts with me.
Hope to see you there!
Tom Allen
I've noticed a trend in the FLR and related blogs lately, from people who are irritated with that particular genre to which I'm going to refer as the "Clueless Subby Type", or the CST. Picking on the CSTs that seem to populate the D/s forum communities may seem to be like shooting fish in a barrel, and frankly, I'm sure that we'll return to this a few more times in the future. That being the case, and in the interests of "equal time", I just wanted to share something that shows that the CSTs aren't the only ones with issues.
Once in a while I fire up Yahoo Messenger to play with the online music, weather, stuff like that. My favorite time to do this is when I really should be working, but I'm feeling brain-dead and I need a charge. Late one recent afternoon the notice came up that someone was trying to IM me. Here's a slightly edited transcript that you might find to be amusing. The speeling and; punctuation has been preserved, but other details have been changed to protect the guilty.
CDT: r u the tom that writes all that stuff on the group?
(This is not an unusual IM or email; I field a lot questions for people looking for help, tips, and support on chastity devices and orgasm denial.)
Me: WHich group?
CDT: the chastity gorup.
Me: THere's a couple of dozen., Do you remember which one?
(I ask because I like to keep track of that, but it's not really important)
CDT: the chastity group on Yahoo
(Duh! THere's only about a dozen...)
Me: Yeah, that's me. Need help with something?
CDT: u write a lot of good stuff.
(Okay, compliments on my writing. Good for a few points. )
Me: Thanks
CDT: r u in chastity now tom?
Me: Yes, I am.
CDT: how long have u been in chastity?
Me: ABout four or five weeks now.
(by now I'm starting to check his yahoo profile to make sure that it's not some 14 year old.)
CDT: who is your kh? (This is a typical abbreviation for Key Holder, partner or other person that holds the keys for a chastity device.)
Me: My wife. I've written about this.
CDT: ur married?
(Okay, now minus a few points. CDT has now committed the ultimate sin. Egotistical writers can manage to believe that you haven't read their stuff, but we can't forgive your completely forgetting what you did read. Now I start to get a teeny bit snarky.)
Me: Do the math.
(short pause)
CDT: u havent cum since 4 wks?
Me: No, I haven't even been let out.
CDT: ur kh doesn't let u out?
(Yup, I'm going to go from snarky to downright sarcastic in a minute.)
Me: No. If you've read my stuff, you might have seen that we like to go 24/7 for long terms.
(short pause)
CDT: my name is Don. whats urs?
(And this seems to check out with his profile, in which he appears to be a 40 yo gay male from the mid-west and into BDSM. )
Me: My name is Tom. You know, just like how I sign my posts and how it looks on the email.
CDT: I am a DOM.
Me: OK, cool
CDT: I like to be called SIR.
(Okay, I'm momentarily thrown for a loop. I had Don pegged as somebody who wanted advice on chastity devices, perhaps to use on his "boi". I suspect that Don is collecting CSTs and expects me to play along. Since I'm not the clueless one here, I tack differently than he expects.)
Me: I found tht it happend when I got older. Maybe it's the grey hair that does it.
(short pause)
CDT: ??? What?
Me: I get called "sir" a lot now that I'm older.
(Okay, that was too easy, but it was funny to me at the time.)
CDT: no tom, I am a DOM. People call me SIR DON.
(Yeah, sure. And notice his distinctive, if not particularly creative use of capital letters?)
Me: Do you want them to?
CDT: theyre supposed to. I am a DOM after all.
(I imagine that Don must now think I'm the crazy or clueless one. )
Me: Okay. cool. Is there something I can help you with?
CDT: yes...
(Don now asks some questions about - as I originally suspected - getting a chastity device for his "boi". He asks about the difference between the CB2000 and the CB3000, to which I point him to the damn web pages. I recommend the 3k, mainly because it's more passable under street clothing. I'm finally getting over my snarky fit, when he changes gears...)
CDT: which 1 do u wear?
(Okay this guy is just not paying attention. I've written about it for almost three years and have mentioned it to him several times in our IM.)
Me: Like I said, I've been using the CB3k for almost 3 years.
CDT: do u have a DOM?
Me: No
CDT: do u want me to be ur DOM?
(Major WTF moment here. I suddenly realize that I've wasted the last ten minutes.)
Me: You haven't been paying attention, have you?
Me: My wife is my KH and we're very happy with the arrangement.
CDT: ur not very respctful to me.
Me: What??
CDT: u don't act like a sub.
(Oh damn. I'm now at a loss for words, but only because I can only think of four letter ones.)
CDT: don't u know how subs are supposed to act?
Me: Why would that matter to me? I'm not in a D/s relationship, nor do I play publicly.
CDT: subs r supposed to be respectful to DOMS
Me: I don't have a dom. I'm not a sub. kinda goes togehter, you know?
CDT: u wear a cb. u must be a sub.
Me: CDT, I'm not a sub. I'm not in D/s relationship. I capitalize my name. My wife even does the laundry.
CDT: then why do u wear a cb?
Me: CDT, have you actually been *reading* the stuff that I write, or were you just looking at the pictures?
(Short pause)
Me: I wear a CB3k sometimes because it spices up our sex life. My wife likes it, and I like anything that makes her interested. Get it?
CDT: I thought cbs were only for subs.
Me: I think I'd know that. Look, my wife really likes when I wear one. I like her to be happy.
CDT: ur wife is ur DOMME?
(I'm starting to give up here. )
Me: I guess in a very general way, yes.
CDT: u have a DOMME so u must be a sub. is that why u wear a cb?
(And here I throw in the towel because I can't take anymore.)
Me: I can't think of a better reason, can you?
And so I logged off at this point, before he could get a chance to ask me why my wife allows me to use capital letters in my name.
There is often a synchronicity in communities, and it's with some amusement that I have seen Richard Evans Lee and now Candace touching on a subject that has also been on my own mind. Candace has an amusingly titled post, sparked to some degree by what I call the "helpful suggestions" sent in by some readers. Richard notes that it's especially a problem for women bloggers, especially women taking on more dominant roles in their relationships. The point is that some of us choose to use these more or less public forums to ruminate, to think out loud, and to perhaps smooth the way for others; while we appreciate most of the comments, some of them seem to be nothing more than an indulgence of their own fantasies.
I've mentioned that I often get emails from people (mostly, but not always, men) interested in orgasm denial and chastity, topics on which I've written on in various internet groups. Occasionally, though, I also get my share of helpful suggestions. At first it simply surprised me, but eventually I, like Candace, began to wonder at the motivation for some of these people (mostly, but not always, men) to make these suggestions. Having now dealt with this for a couple of years, I now tend to read these with mild amusement.
While I'm not particularly squicked by most fetishes and kinks, there are quite a few that hold absolutely no interest for me. For instance, I love the soft, silky-satiny feel of women's lingerie... on women. I've had "helpful suggestions" that during those times when my wife would like me to wear a chastity device, she should also make me wear her panties to remind me of my lowly submissive status.
Um, excuse me? Where the hell did that come from?
I'm not even going to get started on the paradox of why those who consider women to be "superior" think women's clothing on men makes them "inferior". That's an entire topic unto itself. No, my question is this: I've made it pretty clear in my writings that my wife and I do not exactly have a D/s relationship, and that we sometimes practice chastity and denial play to spice up our marriage. So why do some people think that telling me to wear panties would be helpful? Or telling me that my wife should only unlock the device if I've gained so many "points"? And notice the paradox in that one: how could I, as an "inferior male" tell my "superior female" of a wife what to do? Don't these people understand the concept of "dominant"?
Apparently not.
Over the years, I have posted handful of erotic stories on various locations around the web, including the ever interesting Literotica. Someone once sent me a response, complimenting me on one of the stories that I had posted there, involving a couple with the man in a long-term chastity situation. I replied, thanking him for the compliment. He responded by asking me if I had ever thought of a sequel in which the couple hooked up with another couple in which the wife was in chastity. I answered, no, although it was an interesting idea. He then wrote suggesting a storyline in which the man and woman who were not in chastity devices had sex with each other while their partners had to look on in frustration, or perhaps to assist. I politely answered that it was interesting, but since I had other projects to work on, that he shouldn't hold his breath waiting. He then responded by saying that if I could work in a twist in which the people wearing devices had to be diapered or better, to wear rubber pants, then that would be even better still.
I did not answer further. I do hope he's not waiting.
